When the rain is coming...

When the winter is coming I get so dark and introspective like the gray and heavy clouds that used to exist under me when I was child. I remember the hypnotic way that I watched the trees fighting against the strong wind warning that the rain was coming to wash the lend and take away from me all my child’s dreams… My thoughts and my dreams used to melt with the raindrops that ran so fast on the green and sparkling grass. I don’t know why it always exercised a huge fascination on me… The rain, the storm, the empty and dark side of the day… I mean the night.
I could feel like an old witch or a sweet fairy according to the wind’s direction and sometimes the way that my life was moving made my crying longer than necessary during entire nights showing through the mirror my bitter tears falling under my pillow and I remember that the candles were the only witness of that… Even though all my pain I remember how happy I was to be able to make part of this kind of miracle of life. In this moments I felt like a little thing without any kind of reason or explanation to exist, but in the other hand I made part of the sense of life in this confuse and huge world!!! That was the mystery that I looked for my entire life. I feel that I wasted my time every single day that I tried to understand the inexplicable. I didn’t know yet that the reason couldn’t explain the sense of anything about the life, about the feelings, about the reason to exist!!!
I never found my way again since I was shot to the real life and it happened just when I grew up… There was a time that even outside of my fantasy’s world I could see the magic through the sweet and lovely words in my direction… I was enchanted with that. And any unknown soul that crossed my way could bring to me a lot of dreams only with sweet words and large smiles. I was naïve every time that I believed on the power of the words. Like a spell that made me blind and unable to see the real and tough reality around me. I know I was fool but that was the best time of my life since I grew up. Now, there is nothing to hide, there isn’t innocence through the words to believe! The eyes can tell all kind of lie… I just lost my ability to be able to find the truth or want to do that when I look into their eyes. I can’t believe anymore because I can’t be in pain again. All my sorrow and misery is saved in my heart and I don’t want do share it anymore. I’m not complaining, I’m just undressing the life.
And perhaps the biggest moment of my life was when I was a child and just watched the raindrops spilling in my window during those dark nights….I miss that, because I miss myself when I look to the heavy sky and don’t find any sense even though the rain is coming…